I think your response brings a lot of insight into the third part of Banach's lecture. I particularly liked your emphasis on the fact that there can be "negativ influences in the world" that make finding the value in yourself hard. That seems to be Camu's point in using the myth of Sisyphus to explain his idea of existentialism. Being condemmed for eternity to push a boulder up a hill that will always roll down again is about as negative an outside condition in the world as it can get. Camus is saying that the fact that Sisyphus keeps trying and does not get crushed by the boulder means he is finding the strength inside himself to make " a defiant gesture" to his fate.
When you wrote about your expirience having "outside influences" get you down so much that it was hard to find your "value within", you were being defiant against whatever was getting you down and using inner strength to overcome it and get on with your own life.
Thanks for your post, I admire your courage
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